I’ve seen many a gorgeous girls, playing and dancing around me. I’ve even seen half-naked women partying around me. But never was lost, I always had my self and never let my mind to settle at their feet. Today is quite different, she’s my buddy, we have very well nurtured amity among us. This is one of those strange feelings you get, when you commit a crime for this first time. The great angst you feel, only when are incorrigible at your own state of mind. Many a questions and defensive answers skewered and keyed my wit, then popped ”was I bad?, why did I have such thoughts?, were they mine?, how did this happen?, what am I supposed to do?,”
I felt her hands wrapped around my neck, she wasn’t defensive when I kissed her, my hands moved all along her curves, fingers scrolled under her garbs. Penetrating my tongue into her mouth to reach her soul, she was breathless, just as I was. I was pushed down, resulting her over me. She disrobed me, I further unclothed her. We weren’t just friends then, we were making love. Thoughts fastened, she kept a track of what’s next, I kept following her instructions. Stood high, then bent over her, finally it stopped when she was still astride on my bed. Just gave up with all that I’ve been saving for years ?! Virginity ?! Yes how did I do such thing? Even without my interest? So I definitely had interest in it.!
I woke up, and realized my dreams are going weird, but are they cruel? Was it bad having such feeling? Crushes are computable, but this was no crush, something beyond that, it was incompressible. I couldn’t hide it within, it had a messenger app just like Facebook, kept popping heads around with different memoirs?! But where was my history written? Even after the shower, wasn’t completely relaxed, tiredness passing through nerves, and lust all around my mind, having a uncomfortable feeling, let my tears out. Is it that bad to humiliate a girl in your thoughts? Won’t they pop up when you talk or peep into that person’s eyes? Won’t that thoughts stab me and tear me to pieces.?
Then I googled “lust”, and I married the girl 6 years after I proposed her. Living a happy life with no regrets, fun and further, commitments were good, love was all that mattered. Then I today understand the Google’s definition ” love and lust aren’t two different branches, lust is the ultimate way to express one’s love to their partner “. Back then I doubted if it would work out, but later I had her smiles and laughs, tears for years, and concluded that it was love. Infatuation states pure lust, attraction towards one’s flesh. Love seeks heart behind the skin.
My love story was simplified, all that cost’ed were few sleepless nights and darkened days, to find the differences between true love, lust and infatuation. Well, a 70 years of happy life filled of love, was worth what I spent, few years finding out. Water the crop and wait for the yield, but before you plant the seed find it if it’s worth being planted.
My friend, remember “Love and lust are no two branches, lust is the ultimate way of expressing ones love” it’s worth something great, so don’t waste it unless need.
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