All the pain, that time had gifted me, all the lost choices makes me write this.
Sometimes I wish I once again become a nerd sitting with teachers after class hours to make tomorrow’s notes.
Those were the days I never had friends to care, I didn’t have enemies to check after, no late night text, no planned parties, and no love stories, but there was always a life within, and today I miss that live life that’s no more alive..!
Miss those evenings when seated in the last seats of school bus and passing silent smiles just by seeing people laughing and playing around, when I realize that today there’s only left smiles for formality and laughs for other’s fall down, toot sweet tears restore for the next..!
Silently smiling sleepless inside my blanket even after the night lamp is shut off, self talks, arguments that included me alone, and comparing crazy dreams to real life everyday, now seems much wanted than painful saccharine peaceful nights..!
Lacking willpower and encouragement I lose races, but still could furnish a heartfelt smile looking at a person known to me receiving the winner’s trophy, and now although I rarely lose, I can’t accept and let out a smile to appreciate my mate.
I love the days when people order me to help them complete their exam sheets than me now asking them to help me, I consider people pulling my pens to write their notes better than me dragging their books home before exams to read and let them struggle book less.
Remember those days when I sit at the shore, feeding my eyes the beauty of sun set, and waving my hands to touch the horizon. Finally today I wonder, there was never a true place where that water met the sky’s clouds, it hurts when it’s all proved to be a illusion but is better than today, as there’s left only few drops of saline solution flowing down my eyes, while riding to run away from past’s future..!
I wish, to be a kid again who’s mother wipes off the left over milk churney, to remain smiling by seeing you smile, to keep loosing and stay happy, to not make new friends that break the old ones, to never have completed my schooling and leave my school, to live a lame and nerd child with a alive soul inside again..! I wish to break chains and not be a slave to my situations..!
Believe me I traveled through time, I made memories, I won, and I conquer. I’m rich, wealthy, healthy, smiling and surfing around, but one precious thing that’s missing is happiness, I spend time, I spend money and I also spend people but I never could buy that, still wondering what’s actually worth my happiness? ..!
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E-book : Doll I dream off